unbleaking

staying apparently undaunted, i am pursuing this game of trying again, harder each time i bump into something not for me.

not just once that i pursued something i assumed was mine, and more often than not, i end up frustrated-but never disheartened to continue pursuing for better options.

my former dean at the University said during his farewell speech-to us who were leaving the university- "ben and lemuel(my coteacher) have contrasting personalities, lemuel is UNASSUMING..."

once i heard it, as if a high jolt of lightning forced me to blurt out, "so assuming ako?"(so i am assuming?). there was a loud laugh from the other people in the crowd after my comment. i myself laughed out loud... even the dean himself laughed after realizing the other possible meaning of what he just said...

although it was funny, it became a sort of reminder to me that i do assume a lot. i knew the dean meant the good side of being assuming more than the bad, but still the possibility of using the word assuming may presage that i am indeed assuming - the plain state of being assuming! hahaha...

this, i will have to admit is one of the greatest struggles i have in the history of my life... if some biographer chooses to write my life and some historian tries to critic it, i think what's going to be the most apparent pattern is that i assume a lot... well, most of the assumptions i do proves to be correct, but then still a lot don't. the latter becomes the failures i sometimes regret doing.

however, in so far as my experiences and others' wisdom have taught me, it's not at all immoral nor condemning to commit mistakes - including wrong assumptions. in having done so, one learns not to walk the same way again-that is to never to commit the same mistake more than once.

but then again, being a weak-willed person that i am, i always do a lot of assummptions. my rain works logically but is overruled by my heart's desires. even if i think an action leads me nearer to estruction - my destruction-, but since my heart agitates to be fulfilled, i tend to concede to it. here were times i really felt abashed by my actions but i always drew-out-of-nowhere the guts to stand high and proud as if nothing happened.

why am i writing this?

i am asking the same question and the most logical reason i have now for writing this is so that i can have a sort of encouragement for myself. a cheer to my heart to stay strong despite anything i have gone, going and will go through. a laud for its strength and a continuing encouragement for its keeping strong for tomorrow. sometimes, we need this. we need to remind our heart and mind that they are being supported, that they are being though of. so that they'll continue to be undaunted keeping you secured despite the odds the world has to offer.