brooding over myseria

I realized that I am a fool. 

After attending the country's most prestigious schools, working at the country's most renowned institutions, holding influential positions and having been invited to speak as a resource person for more than a couple of occasions, I still lack wisdom and understanding. I thought with all that I have earned to be who I am now, with all the efforts that I have given to be excellent in everything I do, and with who I wear myself to be, dreams will just be a bit less of an easy to achieve. That's what I thought. I am a fool. 

All I hear are praises and all I receive are commendations. I have earned the respect from people who have looked down on me and who have doubted me. I have created waves of changes and reforms, from which I got honors in words and in writing. I am a hero to some for paving positive changes in their history as individuals and as a people. But then I guess heroes to some are not necessarily heroes to all. I assumed. I am a fool. 

I am 25, there may be even more accomplished contemporaries, but I'm sure not all people are as donned as others at this age. I take pride in all my achievements and milestones. I believe I have already given significant contributions to individuals, to the communities I have lived with and where I am now, and to my country. Unfortunately, not everyone sees things in the same perspective, not all plaques are honored everywhere, and not all actions are appreciated or compensated equally everywhere. I expected. I am a fool.

I am currently at the brink of breaking down. The future is getting bleak and uncertain. I'm tired. I'm exasperated. I am angry. I am helpless and I am almost losing hope. I am left with nothing but to continue to hope and pray, to be expectant and optimistic, and to hold on to the champion in me that I have gained through the years of my bitter-sweet life. I have to remain resilient even if the hurt is unbearable anymore. What is there to lose? To some people I am unfit for merit and undue for certain recognitions; more over, I have already learned and admitted that I am a fool. 

If it is foolishness to continue dreaming for something that, currently, is apparently impossible, if it is foolishness to believe in the pastor's advice to think big, and if it is foolishness to continue praying to God for the granting of my wish, I think I know better now and I choose to remain a fool; I could only hope that this foolishness will, in the end, prove to be wise.